i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
