my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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