Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
