Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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