My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
