Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
