I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
