My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
