I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
