Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
