apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
