p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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