I just made out with a guy for $7.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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