hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
