If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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