That's intense
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
