You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
