i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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