It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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