Got a toothbrush?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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