hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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