Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
