I accidentally had phone sex last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
