you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i believe in u and ur pee
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize