Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
