At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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