My brain says no but my pants say off.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
