okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
