The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
