I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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