my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
