when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
