Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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