Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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