Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
