I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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