I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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