At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
