If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
