shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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