Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
