Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
