Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
