You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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