Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
