I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
