You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
