in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
