I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
