Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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