Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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