wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
