party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
