ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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