This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
