There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
false alarm. still invincible.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
