dude i'm inner monologue high
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
