This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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