she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This is my gift to your gina
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
