Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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