i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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