when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
