I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
