If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can I color on your dick again?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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