you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
