p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
