Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
