So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize